Psychotherapy provides a confidential, caring and non-judgemental setting that could help you understand and change difficult areas of your life.
I am a specialist psychotherapist in:
- Psychosexual and relationship therapy. Helping resolve sexual and relationship difficulties. This is available for individuals. Therapy is also available for couples and people in multiple relationships.
- Post-affair recovery. Helping individuals, couples and people in multiple relationships heal and rebuild their relationship after the disclosure or discovery of an affair.
- Treatment of compulsive sexual behaviours and problematic use of pornography. Therapy for partners.
- Sexual trauma therapy and EMDR: therapy for survivors of childhood sexual abuse, rape, relational traumas, neglect in childhood and treatment for PTSD.
- LGBTQ- specific issues including chemsex, survivors of conversion practices, acceptance of sexuality, coming out, body image issues, the trauma of homophobia.
- Bereavement and Grief: losing a loved one. Help for the dying. Disenfranchised grief.
- Clinical supervision for psychotherapists, counsellors and other health professionals.
My model of psychotherapy is integrative and humanistic. It means that I will use different approaches from different therapeutic models to suit your needs best. I integrate psychotherapeutic modalities such as: Gestalt, Psychodynamic, CBT, ACT, Transactional Analysis combined with specific psycho-sexological knowledge and diverse relationships.
- I am currently based online only
Sex & Relationship therapy
- Communication problems in relationship(s), including frequent arguments, rows, blaming
- Healing after the disclosure or the discovery of an affair, sexual and/or emotional betrayal. For more information, Click Here
- Differences in sexual desire within the relationship(s)
- Loss of sexual desire
- Lack of intimacy
- Learning how to make connections with your partner(s)
- Sexual problems such as unreliable erections, rapid ejaculation, delayed ejaculation, vaginismus, dyspareunia, difficulties with orgasms.
- Ending relationship(s) constructively, with empathy.
- For more information on Intimate Relationship Therapy, Click Here
- I'm a kink-aware therapist and safe for sex workers (which means I do not pathologise kink or sex workers)
Compulsive sexual behaviours & problematic use of pornography.
- Repetitive and unwanted sexual behaviours having a negative impact on life.
- Difficulties stopping the sexual behaviours despite negative consequences to life and relationship(s).
- Feeling bad about the sexual behaviours.
- Continually engaging in non-consensual non-monogamy (cheating) on partner(s), and feeling confused about it.
Problematic use of pornography
- Using pornography to the extent of having a negative impact on life.
- Difficulties reducing or managing the use of porn despite negative consequences to life and relationship(s).
- Feeling bad about the use of porn.
- Relationship problems as a result of problematic use of porn.
My treatment for compulsive sexual behaviours and problematic use of porn is holistic, non-shaming with an integrative approach of classic psychotherapeutic methods and modern psycho-sexological interventions.
For more information, Click Here
Trauma Therapy. EMDR. Sexual abuse.
- Adult survivor of sexual abuse in childhood. For more information, Click Here
- Survivors of sexual violence and rape. For more information, Click Here
- Treatment of PTS and PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder).
- Adverse childhood experiences: physical abuse, psychological abuse, verbal abuse, bullying, other neglects and other adverse childhood experiences. For more information, Click Here
For more information on traumas, Click Here
I also offer:
Early Intervention trauma therapy: a short treatment for recent trauma to avoid the development of PTSD. For more information, Click Here
Group Trauma Therapy: for survivors of recent or historic mass traumatic event (terrorist attack, natural disaster, sexual abuse in an institution). For more information Click Here
LGBTQIA+ specific issues.
- Therapy dedicated to LGBTQIA+ specific issues(Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer, Intersex people and Asexual)
- Coming out. For more information, Click Here
- Acceptance of sexuality, sexual desires and gender identity
- Survivors of homophobic attacks. For more information, Click Here
- Survivors of conversion practices/ conversion abuse. For more information, Click Here
- Recreational drugs and sex, also called Chemsex. For more information on Chemsex, Click Here
- Living with HIV, receiving the diagnosis, living with HIV and relationships with different HIV statuses. For more information, Click Here
- Body image issues. For more information, Click Here
- Diversity of genders, sexualities and relationships. Exploration of all gender identities, diverse sexualities, open relationships and polyamory. Exploration of kink and fetish in a non-judgmental approach. Exploration of asexuality. For more information, Click Here
- I employ a gender, sexuality and relationship diversity affirmative approach. For more information on therapy for the LGBTQIA+ community, Click Here
The loss of a loved one. Bereavement and Grief. Help for the dying.
I offer therapeutic support for:
- Making sense of the feelings of grief.
- Processing Complex Grief:
- The loss of someone whom you had an ambivalent relationship with.
- The loss of a loved one who died by suicide.
- The loss of a child.
- The loss of a loved one by sudden death and traumatic death.
I do not use a "disorder" framework when working with Complex Grief.
- The loss of your sexual self.
- Disenfranchised grief.
- Help for the dying, from terminal diagnosis, decline and death.
For more information, Click Here
LOW COST therapy for Compulsive Sexual Behaviours
Are you distressed because you feel that your pornography use is out of control?
Low cost help is available!
I have a team of therapists offering low-cost therapy for people struggling with sexual compulsivity.
Our approach is sex-positive, non-pathologising and informed by sexology.
For a list of specialist therapists, Click Here
Therapy for Sex Workers
I provide safe and ethical therapy for sex workers and their partners, which means that I do not pathologise or shame sex workers for their choice of work. The problems I help sex workers and their partners with include:
- Sex and relationship problems
- Post-trauma stress symptoms
- Difficulties due to being stigmatised and marginalised
I also offer one-off consultations for psychotherapists, counsellors and other mental health professionals. For more information, Click Here
Read my blog on Psychology Today
I write articles on various topics related to gender, sexuality and relationship diversity for the international blog Psychology Today. The aim of this blog is to offer food for thoughts for therapists and the public.
BOOKS: Erotically Queer & Relationally Queer. Pink Therapy guides for practitioners.
Chapters cover an array of topics rarely discussed in either clinical or popular literature including lesbian sex, queer menopause, bisexuality, working with shame, the sex lives of asexuals, sexuality and transgender people, treating anodyspareunia, compulsive sexual behaviours and chemsex. It also helps practitioners reflect on their biases regarding BDSM/kink and understand more regarding non-pathologising practices with intersex people.
The book aims to help all clinicians work more effectively with the Queer population, with the most contemporary sexological knowledge.
Relationally Queer explores diverse intimate relationship styles and the connections with self for clinicians interested in gender, sex and relationship diversity.
Offering readers a more inclusive and queer-friendly way of thinking about relationships, the book covers a range of topics that include intersectionality, consensual non-monogamy, working with shame, intimate partner violence, religious identities, and living with HIV. Exploring beyond a Eurocentric perspective, the book features a chapter on African-centred therapy and also includes the relationships of often erased populations such as bisexual people, sex workers, people with chronic health issues and trans people.
The book will help psychosexual and relationship therapists, counsellors and psychologists who work with clients of diverse genders, sexualities and relationships.
BOOK: Sexology: The Basics
Sexology: The Basics is the contemporary manual of human sexuality, eroticism, and intimate relationships. It takes you to every corner of the human erotic mind and physiological arousal response for a thorough understanding of all the functional parts of our sexualities, including how we bond, love and have sex from a broad perspective of diversities in sex, gender, and relationships, from monogamy to polyamory, Vanilla to Kink. This book bridges the gaps in our knowledge of sex education.
It is the ultimate guide to answering all the questions you never dared to ask, whether you are a student or a professional, or want to make sense of our often confusing erotic world.
"Sexology: The Basics is a wonderful introduction to what we know about sex from research, theory, and therapeutic practice. Packed full of interesting facts, thoughtful reflection, and real-world examples, Silva has done a brilliant job of gathering together current knowledge and presenting it in a super accessible and engaging form. Each chapter ends with helpful questions we can ask ourselves, and signposts for how we can find out more. An inclusive and entertaining read, that highlights the diversity of sexual identities, desires, practices, and more."
Meg-John Barker, author of Sexuality: A Graphic Guide
"This book is a positive, normalising and informative contribution to us all learning more about sexology. Silva clearly explains the biopsychosocial approach to sexology with all of the moving parts that contribute to our sexual wellness. It offers context, both historical and current, explaining the current sexual and relationship landscape we live in today. Silva asks us to consider our own biases and position as a reader, in order to be more informed as professionals."
Kate Moyle, EFS & ESSM Certified Psycho-Sexologist & Host of Podcast: The Sexual Wellness Sessions
"This book is an absolute triumph! Silva shares his clinical expertise in a way that feels so accessible, there's a rich array of information, all presented with kindness and enthusiasm. He covers a broad range of topics to provide foundational information about his field, as well as looking at the ways in which sex and relationships can play out in the wider context of our lives. A must read for everyone interested in the world of sexology."
Ruby Rare, author of Sex Ed: A Guide for Adults
"Not to be pigeonholed into one area of clinical sexology (his book on compulsive sexual behaviour is a best seller and core text on many courses), but he has produced another fine book within a year of publication. I loved the breadth of content and the clarity and ease of approaching contemporary sexology. Still, most of all, I enjoyed the case vignettes which beautifully illustrate his key concepts."
Dominic Davies, Psychotherapist, Sexologist and Founder, Pink Therapy
BOOK: Compulsive Sexual Behaviours. A Psycho-Sexual Treatment Guide for Clinicians
Compulsive Sexual Behaviours offers a unique approach to the struggles people face with their out-of-control sexual behaviours.
This comprehensive guide is deeply rooted in the science of sexology and psychotherapy, demonstrating why it is time to re-think the reductive concept of ‘sex addiction’ and move towards a more modern age of evidence-based, pluralistic and sex-positive psychotherapy. It is an important manual for ethical, safe and efficient treatment within a humanistic and relational philosophy.
This book will be an important guide in helping clients stop their compulsive sexual behaviours as well as for therapists to self-reflect on their own morals and ethics so that they can be prepared to explore their clients’ erotic mind.
"Silva Neves brings the understanding of compulsive sexual behaviors into the 21st century with a rigorous review of the past and latest literature and research. His argument that correct language dictates correct treatment is spot on and provides an exhaustive and comprehensive list of action steps for the initial assessment to ensure accurate assessment, diagnosis and treatment. His clinical examples bring all this to life through his clients. His plead for therapists to be not only sex positive but also pleasure positive is timely in a world that is missing proper sex education. I highly recommend this book."
Joe Kort, PhD is a sex and relationship therapist and co-Director of Modern Sex Therapy Institutes.
"Compulsive Sexual Behaviours is a much-needed book taking a sensible, critical, and pragmatic approach to the topic of 'sex addiction'. Silva's book offers an alternative model which puts pleasure, consent, and self-understanding at the heart of the therapeutic endeavour with people who struggle with their sexual behaviour. It contains everything you need to know about the theory and research in this area, plus a helpful and practical guide for practitioners about how to work around this theme with clients. The book is friendly, accessible, and engaging throughout, drawing pluralistically on relevant therapeutic and sexological approaches, and providing nicely inclusive examples of work with clients from across gender, sex, and relationship diversity."
Meg-John Barker, author of Sexuality: A Graphic Guide, Enjoy Sex, and The Psychology of Sex.
"This pioneering textbook for therapists provides a wonderfully creative set of tools and techniques for how to work with people who feel their sexual behaviour is compulsive or out of control. This is a timely book. Just as the World Health Organisation has decided to include, for research purposes, a new diagnostic category to try to help clinicians assist patients who are concerned with their sexual behaviours. I am delighted to recommend the first European textbook to tackle Compulsive Sexual Behaviour (CSB) from a sex-positive perspective. Informed as it is, by the latest sexual science into the neurobiology of sex, Neves also delivers a powerful critique of the sex addiction movement in the UK and beyond. However, he offers us much more than this. He packs this book with tools, theories and metaphors for understanding and working with CSB. It will become an invaluable treatment manual for sexologists to help them help their patients decode their erotic templates and work towards a holistic model of biopsychosocial sexual health."
Dominic Davies, Fellow National Council of Psychotherapists, Founder of Pink Therapy
"Silva Neves takes a modern perspective on the treatment of compulsive sexual behaviours that moves away from the traditional single framework ‘sex addiction’ model to a more pluralistic approach. He deals respectfully with the difference of opinion between professionals working within the field and clearly articulates for the reader the distinctions between addiction and compulsivity, as well as the clinical issues with applying the addiction model to treatment. At all times the welfare of his client is central to his thinking and the chapter on Ethics challenges us all to reflect on our thinking about ethics, sex and sexual behaviour. There is good coverage of assessment, formulation and treatment with excellent case studies to illustrate the process. Interventions are drawn from the field of sexology and utilise variety of psychotherapy modalities including a consideration of the Memorandum of Understanding on Conversion Therapy and the dangers the clinician faces in accidental conversion therapy. What shines through this book is Silva’s passion for his subject and his compassion for his clients. It is an excellent, clearly written book that is essential reading for experienced clinicians as well as those in training."
Jo Coker. COSRT Professional Standards Manager and Chair of the Professional Standards Board. HCPC Counselling Psychologist and a COSRT senior accredited psychosexual therapist, accredited clinical supervisor and accredited mediator. Fellow of COSRT.
"After years of study and clinical practice with the presenting issue of unwanted sexual behaviours, Silva Neves is clear that the sex addiction approach is inadequate. In this much needed book he refocuses the therapist to explore the client’s erotic template and the drivers behind their compulsivity, rather than on behavioural prevention. He offers a trauma informed, three phase treatment approach to the resolution of compulsivity, that honours the unique sexuality and sexual expression of the client. This book is a generous sharing of Silva’s experience with the evident intention to help its reader to provide a sexology informed, non-shaming service to clients presenting with the complex experience of sexual compulsivity. It is research based, contemporary, inclusive and pluralistic. It is a must read for all professionals working with the themes of sex, relationships, addiction and compulsion."
Julie Sale. Director of The Institute of Clinical Sexology. COSRT Senior Accredited Sex and Relationship Therapist and Supervisor. UKCP Registered and Accredited Psychotherapist
I currently offer consultations online only via Zoom.
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Sex and Relationship Therapy.
I am proud to be an editorial board member for the leading journal Sex and Relationship Therapy. International Perspectives on Theory, Research and Practice.
BBC programme: Sex On The Couch
Tune in on BBC3 and weekly on BBC1 from Friday 26th April 2019
The aim of the programme is to de-mystify psychotherapy, particularly couples therapy and sex therapy. It is to normalise therapy and send a message to the public that it is ok to seek help for sex and relationship difficulties.